原作者：Maya Kroth 译者：艺术猴

I logged into Facebook, as I do every morning, and my news feed informed me that, overnight, seven of my friends had become fans of "Pretending to Text in Awkward Situations."

我像每天早晨一样登陆了Facebook网站，新闻Feed就报告了我昨天晚上有七个好友成了“尴尬时倾向发短信”的粉丝。

Sure, at first it's funny — who among us hasn't reflexively reached for the iPhone the second the elevator doors close? — but I quickly found myself wishing for a Dislike button.

当然，首先这样很有取——难道我们还有谁不在电梯关门的瞬间，条件反射似的掏出iPhone来摆弄呢？——但是，我很快发现自己真正想要的是一个名叫“厌恶”的按钮。

Why? Because the more we become engaged with the people we already know (or sort of know) on Facebook, the more scared it seems we're all becoming of the unknown. Any situation can be awkward if you perceive it that way, and if we keep up the way we're going, they all will be.

为什么呢？因为我们越跟熟人在Facebook上互动，就越令人担心的彼此变得陌生。任何现实中的事情通过这种互动都可能会变得尴尬，如果我们一直这样通过虚拟的网络互动下去，那现实就真的变得尴尬了。

Shyness is on the rise, according to the research of Bernardo Carducci, a psychology professor and director of the Shyness Research Institute at Indiana University Southeast. According to a 2008 study, shyness, especially around strangers, is up more than 11 percent from a generation ago. While Carducci doesn't believe that technology alone can make you shy, "it tends to intensify tendencies that you already have," he says. That is, if you're shy, your smartphone will only make you shyer: "The number one problem shy people say that they have is initiating and maintaining conversation. Technology just gives you another way to avoid that, so rather than engaging people, you can sit at the table and pretend to be on your cellphone."

印地安纳大学心理学教授Bernardo Carducci研究称，害羞腼腆的情绪有上涨的趋势。根据一项2008年的调查，害羞腼腆的情绪，有期是针对陌生人，目前一代人比上一代人要高出11个百分点。但Carducci教授不相信仅仅是科技造成了这种改变，“如果你是一个害羞的人，则你有深度发展的趋势”。Carducci教授说的意思是，如果你害羞腼腆，那么你的智能手机能把你变得更腼腆。他说，“对于害羞腼腆的人，他们最大的问题是敞开话题并和别人持续交谈下去。而现代科技给了你更多的选择去避免交谈，所以与其的和真人打交道，你也许会倾向于坐在桌子边上通过手机来沟通。”

With an increase in what he calls "structured electronic interactions" and a decrease in spontaneous social ones, we're also losing the ability to make conversation, according to Carducci, who has published The Pocket Guide to Making Successful Small Talk. Few would ever admit to needing such a pamphlet, but how many people do you know who could use one?

Carducci教授提出了一个新概念“结构化的电子互动”，并称其使用率正在上升；与此同时，自然的交流方式正在下降，我们正在失去面对面交谈的能力。他是在自己的著作《掌中宝：如何成功的交谈》中谈到这个观点的。很少有人承认他们需要这样一本手册，但你知道有很多少人他们真应该看一看？

"Technology can hurt us and it can help us," Carducci says, noting that online dating and social networking can sometimes help shy people break through the anxiety of making initial contact. (And yes, if you were wondering, there is a dating site especially for shy people.) "The downside is that we can lose a tolerance for diversity," he explains. "You can choose to talk to people who agree exactly with you, and if they disagree with you, you simply delete them. We're losing that ability to be flexible."

“现代科技是把双刃剑”，Carducci教授说，在线约会和社交网站有时确实会帮助腼腆的人冲破与人交往的焦虑。“但是，坏处是我们正在失去生活的多元化，”他解释说，“你可以选择和赞同你想法的朋友谈话，当他们表示异议的时候，你就把他们屏蔽掉了。我们正在失去海纳百川的能力。”

We are so wrapped up in the palm-sized digital worlds we carry in our pockets and purses that too often we forget to participate in the real one — to our emotional, and sometimes physical, detriment. Remember the teenager who fell into an open manhole last summer, which she didn't see because she was busy texting?

我们深陷在掌中世界中不可自拔，我们把这个虚幻的小世界揣在口袋里、钱包中，而时常忘了活生生的情感交流和真实接触。还记得去年夏天有个小女孩因为在路上专注于发短信，而掉进暗井中的事情吗？

Besides the risk of being swallowed by a sewer, e-socializing can present problems maintaining relationships you already have, thanks to the lack of visual and audio cues that tell you when someone is being serious or sarcastic. Feelings can get hurt digitally in ways unimaginable IRL.

除了被下水道吞下去的危险，电子社交也能给你现有的关系网带来问题，幸亏没有音像技术，你才看不见屏幕背面的不悦与挖苦。在现实和生活中，人的情感能够通过诸多意想不到的方式，被虚拟世界所伤害。

"I think we're in the process of figuring out what the rules are," said one friend, who has been getting the cold shoulder from her BFF ever since she unwittingly transgressed on Twitter.

“我像我们正在思考什么应该做，什么不应该做，”一位友人因为在Twitter上不小心说过了话而遭到了知己的冷遇，他在事后幽怨的说。

Be social while networking
This year, try some of these suggested rules of etiquette to gracefully integrate online social networking into real life. They're designed to do the same thing that Facebook and Twitter purport to do so well: foster and protect interpersonal relationships.

社交上网两不误
今年里，请试试以下几条建议，来把网络社交融入现实生活。这些建议的最终目的与Facebook和Twitter一样，促进和维持人际关系！

Avoid tweeting in public.
Don't pull out your cellphone at a dinner or a party. That just sends a glaring message to the people you're with that "IN THIS MOMENT I'M PAYING ATTENTION TO SOMETHING MORE INTERESTING/IMPORTANT THAN YOU." If you must live-blog your dinner or send that urgent sext, excuse yourself and do it in the bathroom.

公共场合不要微博
不要在饭桌和派对上摆弄手机。如果你这样做，只能等于对在场的其他人说“在此时此刻，我有比你们更值得关心的人。”如果你一定要现场直播的晚餐，或者发送紧急的信息，先对别人说声“抱歉”，然后到洗手间去发送。

Beware the chain reaction.
Ever seen a table full of people at a restaurant or a bar and noticed they're all staring at their respective cellphones? Just as a yawn is contagious, so is texting, almost unconsciously so.

注意连锁反应
你曾经看到在餐馆或酒吧里，一桌子的人都在盯着自己的手机吗？就像打哈欠一样，这是有传染性的，发短信也是一样，不知不觉就都把手机掏出来了。

Ask before you tweet.
The people you're posting about might not have the same comfort level as you do when it comes to broadcasting personal details online. When in doubt, ask permission.

微博前先征得同意
你正在“现场直播”的人可能不像你一样愿意把个人信息公之于众。如果你不确定，请先征得同意。

Observe the rule of three.
A psychologist friend once recommended limiting the number of "virtual" interactions that occur between in-the-flesh interactions to three. Digital intimacy doesn't always translate to in-person closeness, so try to keep it balanced.

事不过三原则
一位心理学家朋友推荐说，把发生在真实朋友间的“虚拟”互动限制在三次以下。虚拟世界中的亲密并不总是能转化到现实世界中，所以要在这两个世界里保持平衡。

Don't post passive-aggressively.
If you have something to say to a friend, just say it; if it's important or if there are emotions involved, pick up your phone or say it in person.

避免消极抵抗情绪
如果你有事情要对朋友说，那就说好了；如果有重要的事情或者要宣泄自己的情绪，那就给朋友打个电话或者当面去谈。

Sometimes a tweet is just a tweet.
That is, don't take anything that happens on Facebook or Twitter personally.

微博就是微博而已
就是说，别把Facebook或Twitter上发生的事情看的太真。

Keep it real.
The computer has a nasty way of inviting biting, snarky, and downright mean commentary that would never occur between people face to face. Don't say anything online that you wouldn't say in person.

保持真我
用电脑来交流，总是会招揽一些挖苦、尖酸和下流的言论，而这些言论一般不会发生在面对面的交流中。如果你在别人面前不会说一些话，那么在网上也别说。

Get out of the house.
Don't forget to use digital social networking tools to actually be social and/or network. The coolest part about Twitter is its ability to introduce you to people you might've never otherwise met, via Tweetups and other real-life get-togethers like Ignite.

出去聚会
别忘了用社交网络去参与真实的社交。Twitter最酷的地方的就是能够把你介绍给无从相识的人；利用一些号召真实聚会的功能，走出房间去参与吧！

Flesh comes first.

Whenever there's an opportunity to engage with a real person instead of a digital one, take it. How many times have you gone to a coffee shop packed with dozens of people staring into their own laptops, probably Facebooking with people who aren't you? "You could drink coffee at home for a lot cheaper," Carducci says, "but you go to this public space because that's where people are. That says that people truly want to be social, they truly want to connect, but they don't want to do any of the work."

真人优先原则

如果从虚拟世界里有了和真人交互的机会，要抓住了。多少次你走进星巴克看见一打人都在盯着电脑，和不是你的其他人在Facebook上交流。“你可以在家喝便宜的咖啡”，Carducci教授说，“正是因为人多你才去了公共场所。这说明人们内心是想要参与社交，他们想要互相建立联系，但他们只是想想，而不想真的去做。”

Or they're just shy and don't know where to start. "Lots and lots of people have this problem. They use this as a crutch," adds Carducci, who likens the rationale for "pretending to text in awkward situations" to college kids' reasons for drinking or doing drugs. "They don't drink because they're exhibiting freedom; they drink because they don't know what else to do. They drink because they don't know how to socialize, because it gives them something to talk about, because it helps them deal with anxiety and loneliness. If you know how to connect otherwise, you don't need to do that."

或许他们害羞腼腆，而不知道从何开始做起。“很多的人都有这样的问题，但他们并没有认识到这是个问题，并习惯了这种生活态度。”Carducci教授把Facebook上“尴尬时倾向发短信”的噱头，和喝酒嗑药的大学生做了类比。“他们不喝，是因为他们活得自由；他们酗酒，是因为他们不知道该做什么，不知道如何去与人交往，因为酗酒可以给他们带来话题，缓急焦虑和孤独。如果你知道如何与别人交往，你就不需要举起酒瓶子了。”

原标题：Be Social IRL (In Real Life): Get a real life this year — without giving up the digital one.

原文链接：http://www.sfweekly.com/2010-01-20/news/be-social-irl/

facebook, twitter

230 天前 by 艺术猴 共有 393 人浏览